she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
