xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
