When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
