Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
