so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
