Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
