She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
