Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
