omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
