please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
