once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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