His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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