Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i now understand why vodka
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
