my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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