Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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