And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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