You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
