I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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