I met the friendliest cop last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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