Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
