Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
