I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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