do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
