Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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