Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
