first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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