chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
