so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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