I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
