So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize