did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
