my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
