After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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