Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
