why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
