I wannas sexs uuuuu
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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