He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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