Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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