I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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