My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize