The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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