just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
