She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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