youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think my fart just growled at me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
