we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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