halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize