I will die if light touches me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
