I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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