just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
