Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found your dick twin last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
