im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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