Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
