my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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