I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
