And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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