ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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