airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize