Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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