It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
