shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
