I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
