he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize