Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
