Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
