this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
