How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
