sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
